“So I’ll cherish the old chocolate cross…”

We made a sojourn to WalMart yesterday and saw the signs of the season: chocolate-covered marshmallow crucifixes. Awesome. How long before Keebler makes electric chair cookies? Or my favorite, lethal injection lollipops. (Is letting junior suck on a syringe any worse than crunching through a krispity cross?)

My wife loves it when I get her Russell Stover, but she has never made a life-changing decision at that moment (that I’m aware of). I know early Christians used the ichthys to show their allegiance – maybe I should carry around a chocolate one to identify myself to fellow sweet-toothed believers.

I wish scientists had time travel figured out. I would send Bill and Ted back to get me a first century Roman and I would take them down the candy aisle, just to see the look on their face.

Am I just irritable, or does this bother anyone else? Let me rephrase – of course I’m irritable, but is that all that’s going on here? This is either sacrilege, harmless fun, or a phenomenal witnessing opportunity a la Testamints.

If you forget everything else, remember this:  “They’ll know that we are Christians by our chocolate.” – Whitman’s 3:16
So please, don’t get any of that Palmer’s crap. If you’re going to show your faith with candy, at least get the good stuff.

QUESTION: So what do you think? Apostasy, Mere Deliciousity, or Salvation wrapped in foil?

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  3. Francis is so weird. But that’s normal.
  4. A Different Kind of Hypocrite
  5. Christians are Idiots

Posted March 14, 2011 in The Blog with 6 Comments

  • Ted Smith

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I love your writing….but hate it’s truth. God help us!
    Oh, and btw…we need clean-up in aisle 13 (a kid just threw-up his chocolate manger scene.)

  • http://sarcasticxtian.com/ Scott Smith

    Thanks! And – ewwww.

  • Holly Ordway

    I’m relieved to see, at least, that these are chocolate crosses, NOT crucifixes. (A crucifix has the Corpus, the Body of Christ; the Cross is just the cross). I would find a chocolate crucifix to be repellent at best, blasphemous at worst. …

    Chocolate crosses… Hm. The association of cross + food item is not what makes it problematic. There’s a long tradition of having special foods for feast days that are marked with a Christian symbol. Buns marked with the cross, for instance. These can be helpful symbolic reminders that Jesus’ work on the Cross is real, and is not “just spiritual” but has implications in the here and now.

    What I think makes it potentially very tacky is the context. To walk into a store and just see items that have a Christian veneer thrown over them, makes the content of the faith seem trivial. Honestly, I cringe whenever I walk into my local Christian store and see all the “Christian” tchotches. Cheap, mass-produced junk + fish outline does not equal profound Christian art.

    Getting back to the chocolate, though… I would be willing to give the benefit of the doubt and say that this is possibly a step toward re-baptizing Easter in the public mind. When I was a kid (raised totally non-Christian) I honestly did not know what Easter was about. Seriously. It was a day when I got a stuffed rabbit and a ton of chocolate, including always a chocolate rabbit. (Fond memories of those rabbits… I always started with the ears.) If someone had given me a chocolate cross, it might — just might — have led me to ask “What’s up with this cross thing?”

  • http://sarcasticxtian.com/ Scott Smith

    You got me on crucifix/cross distinction. Thanks for straightening me out.

    I agree about the food aspect. That is not what bothered me. The issue I had is how common/casual it is. Not that there needs to be absolute silent reverenc…e, but it just seems so crass.

    You have an interesting perspective though. If it were to raise questions, that’s always a good thing. I wonder – do the people buying those things present the same degree of context that they do with the bunnies? I mean, what kid doesn’t know “here comes Peter Cottontail?” But I can attest that many Christian kids are hard-pressed to tell you much of the Easter account. Given that, a chocolate cross in an Easter basket is probably as close as many will come to a Christian education! :P

  • Steve Schlicht

    I find the conversion of what is purportedly a sacred symbol of a religious sect into a mass produced consumer product as insulting to the respective adherents…or at least should be.

    Still, I’m an atheist, so I’m more amazed at the ease at which folks seem to accept the co-opting of their symbols into a rather crass marketing ploy for a consumer class.

    In other words, I won’t be kicking over tables in the temple myself…but wouldn’t be surprised if some dedicated believer causes a fuss about it.

    As an aside, I’d actually really rather see this sort of mindless consumer apathy over what is blatant blasphemy than the other extreme, where the mere drawing of sacred totems and religious icons results in a conflagration of destruction and murder as some religious extremists exhibit.

    Our family of five celebrates the natural elements of Easter similar to the pagan approach, with symbols of fertility, bunnies and brightly decorated eggs, a hunt for hidden treasures out in the back yard and the sharing of gifts and treats as we recognize the birth of the natural cycle of spring.

    I did buy one of the chocolate crosses and discussed the Christian aspect of this co-opted celebration with my children…that being the foundation of brutally torturing and executing one innocent of any crime so that the actual criminals could find vicarious atonement for their sins and find eternal bliss in the afterlife, while non-believers are rejected at the gate and sent to Hell.

    Hopefully, the kids will learn a little something about memes as they enjoy the chocolaty goodness of a fine Roman torture device.

    ;0)

  • http://sarcasticxtian.com/ Scott Smith

    Hey Steve.

    I am WAY behind on replies!

    Since you mentioned you are an atheist, I’m hoping you can help me understand something. You talk about the injustice of Jesus’ killing, imply that eternal condemnation of non-believers is bad, and decry destruction and murder. Under your system, why should you care about any of these? In other words, as an atheist, how do you decide what is “good” and “bad”?

    Thanks for reading, and for the thoughtful reply!